WORLD BOOK NIGHT AND IT FEELS SO RIGHT!

The Hue-Man bookstore, one the best bookstores in NYC is located in Harlem, just off 125th Street around the corner from the Apollo Theater. Go there. It’s a great store with a great cafe, and today they handed a great gift: 20 free copies of Chris Cleave’s Little Bee to give away on World Book Night (on April 23, 2012)

I wish I had 200 copies. I read this book and from the first sentence it felt like a book I needed to read. Little Bee’s voice is one I needed to listen to, regardless of how the book turned out. Isn’t that a strange way to feel about a book? Isn’t it great. Anyway, I wish I had 200 copies to give out to people around Harlem. Everybody who lives in Harlem, actually lives in Harlem. Do you know what I mean?

Everybody who lives here, lives Harlem. Nobody who lives here can have neutral feelings about living here. From what I have felt and observed over the seven years I’ve been a resident of this corner of the universe, that holds true for even people who have lived here their whole lives. It’s impossible not to feel something about living in Harlem. Some have the luxury of calling it a “learning experience”. For others it’s simply formative. A book like Little Bee has a message… for some it may be a “learning tool” for others it may be message that says – like so many great books do – “you’re not alone, there are others like you, and there are people who do understand what you may be going through.”

The Leaky Cauldron. Another country? Try another WORLD.

I thought I was being so cute with my Freedom Sink and my Freedom Choice To NOT have Cabinetry in my kitchen. Cut to two months after moving in and what do I have to show for my cute ‘n’ cleverness? Nothing. Nada. Nichts. Funny how all those words from different languages all sound alike. Hm.

When we moved in, there was no kitchen. There was just an empty room with dripping water supply lines, non-functioning (not hooked up) mega stove/oven thing, and refrigerator. And a window. Which I loved and which was my only requirement in a new apartment. Also, there is an old dumbwaiter, and wall refrigerator / potato cooler. So cool. More on those later. Back to the basics of fridge, stove, sink.

Eschewing cabinets, I said “let there be open shelving!” Let us anon to Chinatown where there are restaurant supply stores to supply us with commercial grade, free-standing sinks in cool-looking, industrial-vibing stainless steel. Would you believe I still don’t have that sink set up?

My husband loves this about the USA: everybody makes an effort. Meaning, if you ask the super to fix leaking water supply lines, he’ll squeeze and scrunch and jam away at the poor things even though he has no idea what’s making it leak. He just wants it to stop leaking. Job stated – job done. If you ask a handyman to install the sink, he’ll buy (and charge you) ten kinds of washers and nuts and bolts because that’s what he usually uses. He has no idea of the principles behind water flow and pressure and how the smallest nick can render a pipe nipple useless. And so the faucet leaks. And so he wraps a ten ton of teflon tape around the nipple and tightens till it can’t tighten anymore. And so he strips the thread and mangles the faucet. That’s ok, he says, Brass doesn’t rust. But it’s still leaking. He never comes back, it’s a job for a plumber.

Call a guy. One of those top rated ones on Yelp, the ones that cost an arm and leg. He can stop by today, he’ll be there soon. He’s a little late getting to your apartment because on his way to your place, he had to walk through the filming of some movie and the movie crew had changed all the street signs on the way to names like “Stanford” and “Beech” and “Sands” instead of “140″, “141″, “142. But he gets there. Now we’re getting somewhere. He spends two days figuring out what’s not working. tomorrow we hope to get the job done so I can use my kitchen and stop living off take out.

He can fix it, he says. Not immediately. But he knows how and he’ll get the parts and then it’ll be easy. Because now we know what’s wrong, or at least we think we know. But he has to leave because he’s talking a class to work for the Donald Trump and the Trump organization and after the class Home Depot will be closed. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

So, German expats, this is what frustrates you about the United States, isn’t it? No standards in labor. Everybody is out for themselves, figuring it out as they go along? Yeah, I hear ya. But this way, everybody can try their best and make a living. And the real pros can charge what they want and make a killing.

Metrically Screwed: The Sink has been Sunk, Time to Jump Ship

“…And then the plumber said: Oh, it’s metric!” Hahahahahaha. Ha. Ha.

Nope. Still not funny. When we (and by ‘we’ I mean ‘he’ ) lost the screws that stabilize the legs of our Bowery-bought, restaurant-grade, stainless-steel kitchen sink, the proverbial Red Flag should have gone up in my head. A week it took me to find the screws in a hardware store. Unbelievable that it took me a week to accept the fact that something as simple and fundamental as the metric system, can metrically screw up a simple, fundamental sink installation in the United States. But it did take me a few days to accept that none among the ten hardware stores in my vicinity had the metric hex set screws I needed and another few days to accept that Home Depot and Lowes didn’t have them either. Thank god for Ace Hardware. Of course Ace Hardware had them. Of course. Why didn’t I get there sooner? Let’s not talk about the fact that I’m late to the party that is ACE Hardware and embrace the fact that I came to it all, in the end.

Metric, man, that’ll get you every time. Ex-pats, hear this: leave your metric system backgrounds behind. Embrace the system that is…I don’t even know what it’s called and none of the Home Depot guys could tell me either…but let’s just call it the American system. Embrace the American system.

How to Buy an Apartment in NYC: Redux

These are just further tips on where to START if you decide not to work with a broker. These tips are non-H.D.F.C. specific. They’re also just the tip of the iceberg. Hehe. Tips are the tip. Heehee.

This is how anybody not working with a broker starts their search (I have no proof of that, only experience) I stand by my decision not to work with a broker. This decision was reinforced by the broker who worked with us. Allow me to explain.

Start your search with the New York Times Real Estate Section online. There are a ton of other online resources, I know. But just start here, because, well, you gotta start somewhere, right?

Click, tick and slide away! Narrow down your search, then widen the circle to catch the most fish. You know what I mean.

Next, register on sites like Trulia.com and sign up for email alerts of new properties that fit your criteria. You’ll get a digest of new properties in your area that fit the bill. Particularly helpful is the Open House alert option. Of course, open houses are usually on the weekends, but many brokers will also have open houses for their properties during the week (if the buildings allow). If you’re looking for a new build, those usually have a sales office you can visit any ol’ time. Except night time. But a broker may try to accommodate you. Hey, A.B.C., after all!

If you’re able to see apartments during the week, great. A broker may sometimes ask if you’re able to come to an open house instead of scheduling an appointment. Unless the broker says the apartment won’t be shown before the first open house, you  insist on the appointment. Sometimes, it can count for a lot to see an apartment first and get to talk to the broker at length about the place and make sure they know you’re pre-approved by a bank and not working with another broker. If this is a co-op you’re looking at, it’s good to give brokers the impression you’re the buyer to go with. Unless, of course, you don’t like the apartment once you’re in it and just want to get the hell out of it. In which case, tell the broker thanks but no thanks. They’ll ask for your contact info through a sign in sheet when you enter the apartment. (To make sure it’s in writing that you saw the space through them.) But don’t worry about getting cold called.  Some broker may contact you once to see if they can show you more properties. Just say no. Nicely. Who knows, they may actually have a property in the pipeline that could work for you.

The Open House rigamarole can be quite fun, as weekends go. Before the weekends, make a schedule of all the open houses you want to check out. Make the schedule makes sense. For the most part, the brokers will help you out with this. How? A smart broker will check out all the open houses in the vicinity of their property and schedule their open house at or around the same time. So, you may find a few open houses within a few blocks of each other. Then on the morning of Saturday or Sunday, grab a coffee and a bagel and pound that pavement!

Going on the open house tour is a bit like being an actor going on auditions. (Not that I would know much about that, I’m sure.) But you know how people are cast into characters that call for a certain type of person? Well, the same can be said for apartments. You’re auditioning apartments of a certain type – and so are other people. So again, just like at auditions, after a few times at the rodeo (and yes, I’m trying as many metaphors for open house weekends as possible), you’ll start seeing the same type of people – and of course even the same people – looking at the same spaces. Some will be friendly and try to talk to you, even telling about properties they think you may like (but they passed on, of course). Some will be outright hostile and look at you like a terrorist spy out to steal their secrets and homes. This, in my opinion, is what makes the whole open house weekend shebang a total blast. So enjoy. This is the fun part.

How to Live without a Stove or Sink for Many Days

So: it’s not like we didn’t know beforehand that there was no sink in the kitchen of the apartment we were buying. Indeed, we liked that the kitchen was no kind of kitchen at all, just a room with a stove and fridge stood in it. Oh, and a window – VERY important. And a vent already built into the wall – bonus! I don’t really know why people love them some cabinets so much. I hate them. Not in a hipster “oh everybody has them” kind of a way. But in a “I’m short and can’t reach anything past the first shelf” kind of a way. And also “I’m short and cabinet door edges hit me square in the eyeball” kind of a way.

Having grown up in Germany where homes usually don’t come with a kitchen and everybody goes to Ikea (or some other store, too, I’m sure) to buy free standing appliances, or custom build their kitchen, I didn’t much care that there wasn’t a kitchen in place. Oh, but I do care now. Boy, do I care now…

We’ve been living in the Leaky Cauldron for almost two weeks. We’ve stopped calling it the Leaky Cauldron, actually, because what we discovered upon opening the door to The Space (what we’ve taken to calling it because that’s all it is right now – a gender/personality/ neutral space) is that it is SUPER SUNNY and also SUPER DRY up in here!

Is it really possible that on all the occasions we saw this apartment it was either rainy or night time? I think so. Thinking back, I know it was so. Rain, Snow (sleet) and afterwork = rainy, grey days or dark, gloomy nights. And we still loved the place! So yey! Everytime we envisioned living here it was in context of cozy nights, curled up in Chic Greys and Creamy Textured Whites such as one might see in a West Elm catalogue. But, of course, in reality the radiators are on full blast, as it is winter. The air crackling dry and nd the Sun just pours into the apartment almost all day long. As the super put it. “Oh, this is one those warm apartments”

Look, it’s even more gorgeous than we thought. But as my friend who has a child prodigy

Almost, West Elm. Almost.

for a daughter put it: It’s wonderful, but you do need to put in special time and effort… and patience.

So: we’re taking our time. There is so, so, SO so much work to be done in the apartment and the kitchen was the last of our worries. The previous tenant took the sink. I bet it was a lovely, wall mounted, cast iron sink with legs – the original sink in the kitchen. I bet it was and he took it, so there is no sink. Also, the gas has been turned off in the apartment since he left ages ago. (the coop bought the apartment back from him) So, con ed can’t just turn on the gas for the super to install the stove. First a plumber has to do a Gas Line Integrity Test then call ConEd to tell them it’s ok to turn on the gas. Then a ConEd inspector has to make sure the Plumber isn’t lying. Then they turn on the gas. Then the Super installs the stove/oven. Then…that’s that.  So no stove for now. Hence our hefty use of the microwave and… 145th Street.

Harlem is the BEST place for take out food. Every inch of 145th is packed with take-out glory: Fish and Chips, Fried Chicken, Chinese, Dominican, Venezuelan and, most importantly: Jamaican. Skim my blog and you’ll see I love Oxtails, Jerk Chicken, Goat Stew …oh. my. days. I’m in heaven. And if I continue eating like this, I might just soon be in heaven for real. ( or not. don’t mean to get religious. It’s hyperbole.) My body is starting to protest. Too much! Too much! One can’t live on succulent oxtails alone for long. For short, oh yes, but not for long. I’m starting to feel sluggish and bloated. Oh god, I’VE TURNED INTO GWYNETH

Goop-schoop-gloopadoop.

PALTROW all listening to my body and what not. DAMN YOU, PALTROW!

Eleven days in The Space, and we’ve had awesome take-out for most of those days, with a few Trader Joe’s microwavables interspersed sporadically. It has to end. We’ve had a good run. It’s time to get a sink and time to get that stove hooked up. Time to call a plumber and head to one of those Lower East Side Restaurant supply stores and get us a sink. Oooh, my favorite restaurant in China Town would be close by…. STOP. FOCUS.

How To Buy an Apartment in NYC (on your own): Negotiating

This post could also be called “How to Start off on the Right Foot When Attempting to Buy an Apartment in an HDFC Co-op In NYC” But it didn’t quite have the ring I was going for.

Recently, I was discussing the end of our buying process with friends who are just starting. Actually, they haven’t even started. To be honest, they’ve just started the Search Process. Two very different things. But of course, they’re anxious (as we were) to gather as much information as they can. It’s scary, the home buying thing, and knowledge is power and strength. It’s holy, basically.

The thing we got right (just about the ONLY thing we got right!) was starting off on the right foot with our sellers and their broker. We knew we liked the apartment a lot, and quickly decided to make an offer on it, defects and all. The quick decision was only possible because we had been out pounding the pavement o’ real estate for some time before. We knew our neighborhood, and therefore knew what a gem the building was. The apartment itself, however, was not so much a gem-like. A “diamond in the rough” a real

The Leaky Cauldron

estate broker would say – but we weren’t working with one, and so we called it “The Leaky Cauldron”. (Guess why.)

So: we snapped to it and made an offer. There are a couple of tips out there on how to negotiate a fair price for an apartment (or anything, really.) My tip is to do your homework and come up with a number that you’re willing to compromise on (i.e. is not your bottom line). That number should be based on facts, not on feelings.

If you have a broker, negotiating a good deal for you is what they are there for, among other things. We did not have a broker-and in many apartments we went to see, I could see the light up in the selling broker’s eyes when we told them that: full commission! But in this case, I have to say, the selling broker did not seem motivated by that at all. They had had a ‘candidate’ for the apartment, it did not work out for whatever reason, and now we were coming up to bat. They just wanted to sell. But they were not desperate. Or did not let on that they were. They were cool, they knew their value and their price. So did we. Of ourselves, I mean.

I went online, gathered me up some comps (via sites like nyt.com, propertyshark.com, trulia.com, and my favorite streeteasy.com), I took the best comps (sold prices) and took the mean of their numbers. (Add up the prices, divided by the number of comps.) The number that came out what very close to what we were thinking of anyway. So rounded up that number to make it nice and, well, round. They came back with a counter offer that was reasonable. All told, we ended up in a pretty common negotiating pattern: First offer around 15% below asking. They countered with a final 10% below asking. So, it turned out we all knew where we’d land in the end and none of us wasted anytime getting there. Truth be told, we would have paid the ask, too.

The point is: we made a respectable offer, and we offered it respectfully. They responded in kind. They liked us for not underselling, and we liked them for being prompt straight shooters and not going back and forth on “oh, the leaky cauldron is not so leaky” or whatever.

We were buying the Leaky Cauldron, but it felt like we were buying Hogwarts. Took as much time and energy as buying a castle, anyway.

The other thing we did right (and then the list of things we did right is exhausted) was come up with killer letters of recommendation. Killer. More next time.

How To Survive Buying an Apartment in NYC

Victory is ours! Victory is ours! Ours are also the keys to an apartment…which is also OURS!

In celebration of this blessed event, I thought I’d quickly share some thoughts on this whole process before my brain and body start to self-heal and start blocking out this dark,

If you squint, you can see our sweet little new home.

dark period in my life. A short How To guide on buying an apartment in a co-op, in Harlem, in Manhattan, in New York City, New York, the United States of America, Earth, the Universe.

You will need:

-To find your center (and find it again everytime you feel you’re about to go nuts)
- To aggregate any shreds of sanity you may still have – after 6 months of horseshit from lawyers, banks, brokers and building management – and keep it safe.
- To lower your expectations of other people, particularly those employed in the mortgage industry
- Somebody to vent your frustrations to. If possible, have several somebodies on hand, in case one of them throws in the towel with “You should have just gotten a better lawyer/ worked with a real estate agent/ worked with a mortgage broker or waited till you had more money to afford a better apartment or at least better service
- Lots of money. 20% of the purchase price + another couple of thousand in closing costs (more if you’re buying a condo)

Method:
- find an apartment you want to live in. Make sure you want to live in it for at least 5-7 years, if not more. If not forever. Make an offer on this apartment you love.
- If your offer is accepted (and you should negotiate in such a way that your offer is accepted), you will receive a board application package.

Next: Hang of for a bumpy ride. After you prepare the board package and submit it, you’ll be invited to be interviewed by the board. If they like you, you’ll start the process of getting a contract. What happens next is anybody’s guess. What happens next can also be read here. All you can hope is that some six months later, you find yourself in an office, signing many papers, handing over a many checks to many waiting people. Then they hand you keys. Then you’re home. Then you renovate and the whole process starts over: research, hunting, finding, paying…